Legit Vacation Day 1!


SOO for the past 2 days I have been obsessively reading about Universal Studios vacation information and tips, and it has inspired me to continue my vacation blog and HOLY SHIT I just realized my birthday vacation was only 3 months ago and it seriously feels like we went to Florida over a year ago, what the hell??   I guess so much bullshit was jampacked into the past 3 months it feels like it was forever ago that I had the best time of my life; I keep trying to refer to our vacation as “last year.”  Eitherway, it just finally dawned on me that there is a possibility we may go back again next year for the HARRY POTTER LAND EXPANSION  (if everything is still smooth sailing and intact) which means it’s never too early to start obsessively planning since it’s what I do and I can’t sleep at nights anymore knowing we may go back because I lay awake thinking about all the deals I should check out to save money.

Back to the blog! Allow us to rewind to the not so distant past of 3.5 months ago, dated February 13th:

We woke up especially early at our Avanti resort hotel to take advantage of the short(er) line at the in-house Starbucks, grabbed some coffee, and hopped on to the complimentary resort shuttle. After a few stops at other hotels to pick up some other bitches, and 20-ish min later, we arrived at UNIVERSAL FREAKIN’ STUDIOS.  I just.. I just cant even describe the magical-ness I experienced.  Mind  you, I have only ever been to 6 flags or Fiesta Texas, which (lets face it), are complete shit holes compared to Universal. Since this was my first ever legit vacation with no parents/authorities to supervise, I kiiiiiiinda went a bit nuts planning out every exact detail during our park trip. I should mention here that we got express passes (basically cutting in line ahead of all the poor people) only for my birthday which fell on that Friday of our trip.

We originally got 2 days of dual park passes which came with a 3rd day for free. The first day I decided to take us through Universal Studios instead of Islands of Adventure to the absolute SURPRISE AND SHOCK OF … well, no one but myself and Troy, really.  Islands of Adventure (from here on out I will abbreviate as IoA) contains the Harry Potter Land (shut up that’s what I call it) which I have been desperate to visit since before it’s inception in 2010. Even before they decided to build it I always said I’d KILL to go to Harry Potter Land. I had been pining to visit HPL for flippin’ ever and one (no one) would think I’d start my vacation there; my decision to hit Universal first in lieu of IoA for that first day was purely strategic because I am one smart motherfucker.  Here’s why:

You see, I seriously read and watched every article, video, blog, and rumor about the parks (mostly from OrlandoInformer.com, a crazy awesome website). I found a calendar which projects how busy the parks will be, and found that the 1st day we were visiting (Thursday) would be a Slow day. The following day (Friday, my birthday) would be under the Moderately busy status, and Saturday would be legitly Busy.   Since we didn’t have express passes for Thursday, I deduced we should hit Universal Studios first as there would be little to no lines since Universal is seemingly less popular, and express passes would be rendered futile with no lines; we could then spend all the next crowd-busier day at IoA/Harry Potter Land with our Express passes, and bypass all the ridiculous lines.

When it comes to vacations and planning, avoiding people is my #1 priority. Having fun is just a distant second, and is usually just a  happy accident of my intense planning to stay away from crowds.


When we walked up the entryway’s enormous staircase and across the connector (with moving walkways!) we noticed these huge groups of Latina girls all wearing matching jackets and backpacks and hair gel.  I exclaimed outloud “FUCKING SHIT, DID WE COME HERE DURING A QUINCEANERA???”  and in all seriousness I held on to this belief until about mid-day when I found out they were tour groups for some “young girl’s association” bullshit.  We ran down the moving walkways (super fun it feels like you are the Flash and I highly recommend it)  and around the insanely enormous group of matchy matchy Latinas to bypass all that bullshit of waiting in line behind them to enter the turnstiles.


Horrible collage because FUCK MSPAINT

We finally got through to enter Universal Studios side and it literally felt like we were walking through an abandoned lot of a movie set. There was almost NO ONE there and we had the run of the place!  I just cant even describe the happiness and magic I felt all balled up inside me. We were 2 kids running around totally unsupervised in a magic play land. We could do whatever the fuck we wanted.

First stop was the Transformers ride!

Day1 pic 2


You all may be familiar with the above pic since It’s usually my FB profile. I was so excited when we walked up I started jumping up and down and screaming. There was no one else in the building!



oooOOOoo a glowy thing!

We had to do army style rolls over and under all the rails because walking through the mile of unoccupied queue would have taken forever. We got to the front and I think we surprised a few of the attendants who weren’t expecting riders that early. They were like dejected losers in HS who sat off in the dinstance and watched all the popular ride attendants be all flashy n’ shit and get all the girls.  Either way, they were all decked out in army gear and called us “recruits” or something. The ride itself was pretty awesome, but I don’t remember much of it because I was trying too hard to take it all in.

The gist is that you are in a squad car trying to apprehend the bad guys, and it’s all 3D with the glasses (BOOOO), and at one point Optimus Prime gets down on one knee to personally thank you for helping out. I do remember screaming like a little bitch and pressing an imaginary break pedal as hard as I could during all the crazy parts.  When our car drove back up to the attendants waiting to help us out they all clapped for us and  yelled that we did a good job. I found that this is a recurring theme with all the rides- each ride starts out like a normal run of the mill time but you somehow end up getting roped into an action packed mini-movie and then everyone applauds you at the end.  It was a bit awkward having a bunch of grown adults clapping at just me and Troy with no other children in sight, which the theme is clearly geared for, but I was laughing my ass off the whole time, so it was all ok.


Would have been awesome if MY FINGER WASN'T IN THE WAY

Would have been awesome if MY FINGER WASN’T IN THE WAY


The next stop was supposed to be the Minion ride right across the street, but at 9:30am the line was already too long so we did a switcharoo and went to Shrek, instead. Now…  even with this trip being the absolute most amazing experience of my life, I do have to say that a few of the rides were a complete let down. Maybe it was because Transformers was recently built with better technology and Shrek was kinda dated, but I actually hated the Shrek “ride.”  But lets get to the worst part, first, before I explain why the ride sucked.

Waiting for the ride

You can’t see it, but it’s the 3 little pigs in the boxes

The above pic is the room you wait in before you get into the auditorium. This is Troy’s pic from his iPhone.  I TRIED to take a picture with my camera, but in the pitch dark room I didn’t realize my flash was on. My camera emitted a split second blinding light, and all 50 people in the room immediately turned to face me to give me most blood curdling murderous looks possible;  not only was that horribly embarrassing, but TROY basically disowned me and shook his head as he stepped back and pretended he didn’t  know the idiot with the flash. An attendant told me to stop taking pictures or I’d be kicked out, and the guy in front of me kept turning around throughout the whole mini-show to give me looks like he wanted to kill me on the spot. Seriously, guy? It happened 8 minutes ago, you’ll have to let it go eventually.  Maybe somewhere off in a distant blog he furiously wrote about the bitch with the flash who ruined his whole day at Universal Studios.  GOOD I hope I ruined his day!

The doors finally opened to let us in the auditorium and I scurried in to sit off to the far left away from everyone.  The show itself was just a big screen, 3D glasses, and chairs that kind of jerked you around.  The story was really annoyingly stupid and the whole 15 minutes I was hoping it would just end so I could leave. I would only recommend this ride if there is no line and you really want to get out of the heat into a cool dark room, especially since you are misted with water a few times.  *please note that my embarrassing flash incident had nothing to do with my overall judgement of the show!*

After that we headed over to the Mummy’s revenge, which was pretty sweet albeit kind of forgettable, but maybe that’s because we visited the SIMPSONS LAND after. You walk through the MIB area to get from Mummy to Simpson’s and the MIB area is kind of funny (they play dated nostalgic music, like Boys to Men), but once I saw the Simpsons MIB completely dropped off my radar and I made a beeline right towards Springfield.

In retrospect, I do believe the Simpsons part was a very close second to Harry Potter Land in terms of my affections.

All I want in life is to have my favorite shows come to life, and I want to live in them. Even though the Simpsons isn’t my absolute favorite show it was still so fucking awesome to walk around the area and see certain parts of the show look real.  I was just so enamored with it all, and that’s just with the scenery; the ride is mother. fucking. spectacular.



The Simpsons ride is actually my favorite ride of both parks, I shit you not (but Harry Potter land trumps Simpsons land). The queue is kind of confusing, but once you get into the main room and are divvy’d up into one of 12 mini-queues you don’t really notice a wait because the story begins at that point. There are several screens all about the Simpsons themed room, and it sort of seems at first that you are just listening to the characters talk about semi-random stuff, but at the end you realize it’s a full story from the beginning to the end.  From the mini-lines you are taken into a smaller room, which occupies about 6-8 people, and once again there’s a screen in the room that continues the story line. You are then ushered into an even small room and sat in a “car” and once the ride fully begins the car moves through a garage door and you are all of a sudden underneath the largest fucking giant domed screen; you cant even see any of the other cars so it seems almost like you are the only ones there. The rest of the story and the ride are just absolutely amazing and I was laughing and smiling with my eyes glazed over like a fucking idiot. I can’t even remember a time I smiled so much.

The only con of this ride (and with all of the 3D rides except for the brand new Minion one) is that it’s semi-dated which means the effects aren’t as realistic as they could be. When you crash into something or land in water there’s no aftershock feel to it, and your brain gets a bit confused so it takes away from the realness of it.  Troy’s brain had enough of that confusion and he totally almost puked towards the end. My superior brain was just fine, but from that point forward we had to deal with a motion sickness obstacle (which turned out to be a total blessing in disguise… for ME).

After the ride we had to find a solution for Troy’s motion sickness so we headed back to MIB; I read in one article that the gift shop had Dramamine so we bought some of that, then headed to the MIB ride.  OMG the MIB ride was SOO effing dated.  It was like going through a weird carnie haunted house ride with really old hydraulic effects of aliens popping out on the sides.  It only beats out Shrek for first prize in the Least Awesome ride competition because it’s tied to the nostalgia of my childhood. I honestly cant believe the MIB area is still at the park. It’s a sad statement, but true; it seriously cant keep up with the newer rides since technology has become waaaay more advanced since it was built. I would probably not do that ride again on our next visit.

SO my main objective was not only to avoid lines but also to avoid water rides and kid rides; at that point we had ridden everything on my list, and spent the next hour just having a lookabout and eating at the Monster Cafe. We finished with the Terminator show, which was pretty entertaining, but again pretty dated.  We had planned to spend the whole first day at Universal but after 3 hours we had exhausted the whole park except for the Despicable Me Minion ride, but the line was so insane we moved the visit to day 2 when we had the express pass. With nothing left to do we decided to just check out IoA and get a better idea of how the plan would go down for Day 2.

Here’s the last of the Universal Studios random pics that were taken on Day 1:





1st sighting of Hogwarts from across the lake!!

1st sighting of Hogwarts from across the lake!!





Getting eaten? Or am I KARATE KICKING A SHARK

Getting eaten? Or am I KARATE KICKING A SHARK


first off, let me explain how lucky we were that I planned this whole shebang out. Apparently there were like, 4 different tourist/quinceanera groups roaming about, and while we were at Universal Studios they had all gotten their fill of IoA and appeared to be packing up.

Just walking up through the turnstiles you immediately realize you are in a whole different ballgame.  All the money clearly went into building IoA instead of repairing Universal Studios. It’s much MUCH more detailed and extravagant, and compared to IoA Universal looks like a run down movie lot (ok that’s a bit harsh..but it’s just for dramatics).   That being said, I will always go back to US when I get a chance as long as the Simpsons ride is still there. And the Minion ride.  And Transformers.

Anyhoo. We meandered around a bit into the Marvel land and eventually headed into the Wizarding world part. I was almost hesitant to go into Harry Potter land because it was something I had wanted since before it was even built, and for some reason I thought it would never happen. But LO AND BEHOLD:





It was just so beautiful I maybe could have even cried but I didn’t.  The crowd was triple what it was anywhere else, but that was ok. We just wanted to take a looksee, and didn’t even expect to go in or near Hogwarts.  Well GUESS WHAT! I was able to flex my awesomeness once again, and I asked one of the random wizard attendants about the Hogwarts tour. They pointed us to go into Hogwarts and said to mention it to one of the other attendants, so in we went amidst the frantic masses trying to put their shit up in the free lockers to get in line quicker than the other bitches. As I was walking towards the front of the line, a wizardy attendant barked at me to go put my bag in a locker (since the ride in hogwarts is a no-bag ride),  and I mentioned the Hogwarts tour. She unlocked a metal chain rope and said “ok, enter.”  I honestly hope to god we looked like celebrities getting special treatment because NO ONE ELSE WAS ON THE TOUR.  We walked up a special flight of stairs and into the Talking Portraits landing.  It was by far the most awesome experience ever mainly because no one else knew about it.  We were able to hang out and just stare and listen to all the amazing talking portraits seen HERE:

INSIDE portraits


i was just too enamored to even listen to what they were saying. Troy got a video (sorry I have to pay wordpress if I want to add video) but he heard it was the founding wizards talking about .. some stuff..  Anyhoo, after a good while we moved on and experienced a tour of the rest of the castle, which was sectioned off right in front of the motherfucking longest line of fans waiting to ride the Forbidden Journey.  I’m pretty sure everyone thought we were dirty cutters..



It was insanely dark and no one else had cameras because they aren’t allowed on the ride, but since I am awesome and knew about the tour we got a few. This pic is right smack in front of Dumbledore’s office, and if you are in the regular line for the ride you are about 20 feet further back. But we were right. there.

The tour misses a few parts that you don’t see if you are in the line for the ride, but you get to see everything else later when you eventually get in line to ride.  But that’s a different story for my next blog because there’s another secret that gets you past the hour long wait for Forbidden Journey!

After that we exited Hogsmead and checked out the rest of IoA at our leisure. The Dramamine made Troy sleepy, so I got to ride the Spiderman ride alone. It was really fun, and was very similar to the Transformers ride. Poor Troy got to wait outside and hold my bag : (    The hotel shuttle was making it’s first 4pm pickup so we decided to call it a day and head back to the hotel. Overall I got to ride every ride I planned and then some, and never waited in any sort of line except for the Simpsons which you kind of have to wait for to get the story.

After we got back and showered we used our rental car to pick up some local pizza and some sourpatch kids and electrolyte water at a Kroger, and spent the rest of the night watching Tosh.O.  It was the best ending to an amazing first day : )


Florida vacation DAY POINT FIVE (o.5).

We’ve finally consolidated our pictures from the Harry Potter vacation so HERE I AM!  Well, Ok so i’m only going to post one day at a time since so much shit happened, and I know attention spans are limited.

As most of you know, Troy planned a surprise vacation for my 30th birthday, which also happens to be on Valentine’s day (that’s right, the NATION celebrates my birthday!). It was going to be a total surprise until the day of our flight out, but in the end I started getting really freaked out about what I should pack, and eventually badgered him into telling me where we were going (it’s ok, I pretty much knew anyway).


I knew we were going because about a month ago Troy blew it and said “you.. are going … to FREAK. OUT.”   and there is only one place in the world I would ever freak out about visiting.   Paris?  No.  Hawaii? No.  The moon? Ok maybe, but no. Harry Potter Land???? YES.  And it turns out there are 2 parks located at Harry Potter land (Universal Studios and Islands of Adventure), but that was besides the point.  It’s all Harry Potter land to me.

SO, I was able to meticulously plan for a whole week, and finally the day of our flight came.  Mind you, I don’t really go on legit vacations. Ever. 2 nights away on the weekend, at most.  A visit to the beach for one day here, a night in San Antonio (what? why?) there.  I don’t think I’ve even been away from Texas more than 5-6 times in my life, total.  So to go on a 5 day vacation in another state is just insane to me. Not to mention a vacation where I could do what I want, when I want? Fuck yes!

We had our amazing lovely friend Chris drive us to the airport on Wednesday around 4pm. I wish we could have someone drive us around all the time; it was super amazing not to have to worry about shit like parking garages. Plus you can’t argue in front of company, so everything’s a bit more cheerful.

Getting in to the airport and past security was a breeze, and I didn’t even get athlete’s foot from standing barefooted in the body xray scanner!

I treated Troy and myself to a mocha and a chocolate almond croissant as well as a turkey wrap that looked like it had been made by a 9 year old fat kid, all of this for the low low price of TWENTY THREE FUCKING DOLLARS. It was a great birthday treat, however, since I don’t normally eat chocolate croissants and shit.

The flight was a total breeze and during the 3 hours I was able read half of the first Harry Potter book that Kelly lent me. You see, Kelly is a crazy bitch who got all jealous that I was going to Harry Potter land before she did, because she fancies herself a bigger fan than I am just because she’s read the books and I haven’t. So I forced her to let me borrow the first book and swore I’d read it before we touched down on Florida soil.  WELL, I only got through half because Troy thought Jet Blue had wifi; he didn’t bring a book because he was going to watch Netflix on his iPad, and it turns out they DONT have wifi so he kept talking to me the whole 3hr flight.

The book is pretty neat, though. The first movie is almost word for word with the first book, and reading it is pretty much just playing the movie out in your head really slowly, which I am all for.

We got to Orlando around 9pm and by the time we were done with baggage claim and rental car shit it was past 10pm. We decided to get dinner before checking in at the hotel, but didn’t know where to go.  My FB buddy, Sabrina, messaged me earlier that week and said I MUST go to Cafe Tu Tu Tango while we were in FL, so we googled it and woo hoo! It was right next to our hotel.

We get there and are seated immediately since it’s late on a Wednesday night.  This place.. is.. amazing.  It belongs in Austin.  It’s an artist themed tapas bar and we could not be more in love with the place


glitter on the booths!

The backs of the booths we were sitting on are striped and glittery, and the wall above was lined with Warhol-esque soup cans. They had a section for a guest painter to come in and paint shit. WHy? I donno! But they have it!  They also have this sweet David Bowie album art:


I confess, I asked if it was Liz Taylor,  at  first.. :/

And they also have chandeliers and shit, and the whole place is so awesome you could dress up all fancy, or dress normal and either way you fit right in!

And the food! Ohhhmygod. We tried the alligator bites first, which were CRAZY awesome. I’ve only had alligator once before and it was tough as fucking shoe leather, but this was like eating McDonald’s chicken nuggets but shut yo mouth dont ever compare this place to McDonalds how dare you!



Those right there are pork belly Reuben sliders. How fucking adorable are those!  AND they came with bacon infused fingerling potato salad!!  Hot damn I will be going back to Florida just to come here again for this!


Yucca fries!!!

and THEN we had Cuban sliders with yucca fries which was the best thing ever. They came with some fancy sauce, but the fries were insane all by themselves. They were like puffy little fried strips of cloud, I tell you!


Troy’s favorite painting displayed in the restaurant

We dont have a picture of the chocolate banana bread pudding with salted caramel gelato, but that’s because it was too much to handle and take a picture at the same time. It was incredible. By the end of the meal Troy and I were both making plans for when to come back. I wanted to come back for my birthday, but our waitress said they were booked solid, since it’s Valentine’s day and all.   When we left we asked the hostess about reservations again, and as she was telling us No DIce, a manager dude came up to us to ask us how our meal was. We explained the situation and he again confirmed that they were incredibly booked, but told us to call up that day and ask for Troy (woah!! HIS name was Troy, too!) and he would see what he could do.


We finally set off to check in to the hotel, which I was very hesitant about. See, now that i’m 30, I’ve become ridiculous at researching and planning everything. I read every review I could about our hotel (Avanti resort) and let me tell you.. the reviews ain’t pretty. The photos look really awesome on their webiste, but literally almost every review was like “DO NOT BE FOOLED BY THE PHOTOS!”  There are so many horror stories and complaints about how dirty the laminate floors were (they use faux wood floors to keep allergies down, so they say) and just general horror stories about crappy service and ugly rooms.

We got to our room and hot damn! It was not shabby, at all!


Yes, I do this 100% of the time

Are you shitting me? for $45 a night?  It was like, the best deal I’d ever seen! AND free shuttles to and from Universal!

 I think this is the link to my yelp review?  You should read it, it’s kind of funny…

Anyhoo! That’s day one :) Everything was perfect, which is just fucking nuts because some sort of shit always goes down when major life events are happening.  OH JUST YOU WAIT.

The Bad Foot

It was a mistype, you see?

“I promise to write 90 blogs in 90 days” was really supposed to say “I promise not to write 90 blogs in 90 days.”   duUUUuuh.   It’s not me, it’s you.  Just remember that.

Did we last leave off with my bum ankle? What was that, like in December? OH well ok see, after running 5 miles average every day my left ankle just kind of told me he’d had it and packed up and left.  Now my ankle is a broken home.   It started out feeling like a bone was sticking straight through the bottom of my foot. I tried to push past it and continued running, and even got another pair of new shoes. Then the pain increased (which is WHY I NEVER “PUSH THROUGH IT”)  and  moved to the far left outer side; each week the pain moved up a bit until it decided to take firm root in my ankle, right around the sexy ankle bone that sticks out, and kind of above it, too.

I’ve been running sporadically a few times a week, heating then icing it, tiger balm-ing it, and bought some goddamn expensive compression socks because I felt like that was the next step.  I took a whole month off of running, even. No dice!  Macaulay just does not want to heal (I named my left foot Macaulay and my good right foot Elijah). I don’t know what’s going on, but it’s like the universe really doesn’t want me to run.


1. A few weekends ago Troy and I went to an adult play land/obstacle course type thing as a cheap date.  We were standing on 2 halves of a stability ball, preparing to knock each other off with giant q-tips when Troy fell off, catapulting his half disc straight up right into my bad ankle. It was the closest I have come to crying in public since my former shitty boss at my first ever shitty office job gave me a lateral demotion during a review.  It hurt real real bad, is what I’m trying to say. If I’m ever crying in public, it’s because I’m either in some intense unbearable pain, or I’m being forced to give some sort of speech.

2. A few days ago Troy attempted to give me a foot massage while we were watching TV; he tried to pull me closer by accidentally grabbing my bum ankle with a crunching Hulk-like grip, causing me to scream in pain and whimper like a little bitch as I scoot-retreated over to my side of the couch. No foot massage was had, and no running for me the next day.

3. Then this morning Troy really wanted to show me how he used peroxide to dissolve some blood stains on the carpet, but I was busy perusing Imgur (plus I had already used a natural essential-oil based spot remover on the blood and I didn’t care about peroxide) so he picked me up from the computer room office chair to carry me into the hallway in order to “show me,” but misjudged the width of the door frame and bashed my bad ankle trying to get through.  Once again, howling and clutching said bad ankle ensued and my afternoon run plans have been canceled.

Wait a minute, I’m noticing a pattern here.  I don’t think it’s the Universe that doesn’t want me to run; I’m fairly sure it’s just Troy.

Anyhoo. Let’s change the subject. Here’s an recap of what’s happened since you last laid eyes on my blog:

Christmas was actually really awesome. Troy and I had a Harry Potter marathon and at one point bought out all of HEB’s Christmas candy that was on sale in order to recreate a Hogwarts Express candy trolley


Wizards don’t get diabeetus, Harry

We couldn’t find the Harry Potter Jelly beans so instead I’d grab 3-4 random flavors and make Troy eat them to see how gross they tasted. I became increasingly frustrated because he would never admit any of it was gross, so I started intentionally picking out the bad flavors. He didn’t even flinch when I combined black licorice, buttered popcorn, and pear.  It was infuriating.

Anyhoo, that was fun.  Christmas was fun, in general.

Angie visited for a few days. We spent a half a day wondering around Town Lake, trying to find a bathroom because Angie didn’t pee before we left.  It was a good visit overall, but as it was the first visit since I quit drinking I’m afraid it was fairly dull. That’s the price you have to pay when I’m sober. A BORING ass time!

I watched quite a few movies:

Hunger Games – Catching Fire. SO awesome.
Wolf of Wall Street – ohmygod WAY awesome.
American Hustle – ok, yes awesome. And if you ever want to know what it feels like to date me just pay attention to Jennifer Lawrence’s character.  This is not bragging in the slightest; in fact, I was cringing while watching the movie. When she goes off on the rant about the microwave and why doesn’t he have it gold plated and wear it on a chain around his neck, Troy and I looked at each other wide-eyed because we both knew that was me up on the screen.  It was really painful to watch, and we got a pretty good laugh off of it.

One lesser known movie I must recommend is Take this Waltz. This movie is incredibly gut wrenching and beautiful and depressing and just fascinating to me. I have developed the weirdest crush on Michelle Williams, and once you get past the weird baby talk between her and Seth Rogan, this movie is just amazing.  I’ve never had a movie make me feel warm and fuzzy, and then slap my face with a cold bucket of water a split second later.  Also, during a party scene there’s an amazing cover of Leonard Cohen’s “Closing Time” done by Feist, which can only be found on the movie’s soundtrack. Also, Sarah Silverman plays a relatively serious part as a recovering alcoholic. Also, I don’t actually mind Seth Rogan in this movie. Also, I just cannot say enough good things about this movie.

We just watched Ender’s Game last night, which ended up being a lot better than I thought it would be. Ok, I actually went into it without knowing anything about the movie, and just based off the name expected it to be some sort of a football movie..  so there was no where to go but up.  BUT. It was surprisingly neat.

What else…. OH.  GUESS WHO’S BIRTHDAY IS COMING UP??  Me. Mine. That’s who.  The big 3 – 0.  But to be honest with you, I’ve  been telling people I’m 30 for the past 2 years because I didn’t want it to be any kind of huge shock when the day finally rolled around.

I own compression socks, and I’m turning 30.  Being a grown up finally hit me the other day, not because of the compression socks or the inevitable exit of my 20’s, but because I just found out my tax return will be a considerable amount and my first thought was “YES! I can pay off half of the rest of my student loans!!!”   And to make it even worse I later decided to use half of  my return to pay off a large part of my loans, then take the rest and start up another savings account :/   lame. lamelamelame.

BUT. On the bright side Troy is taking us on a surprise vacation for my nationally celebrated birthday!  He has managed to keep it a complete surprise for over a month, and every time he exclaims how exciting it’s going to be I make him cough up a hint. So far I know we’re going on a plane trip, and it is a  direct flight, and also I’m going to “freak out.”

I guess that’s enough for now. No more promises for a while.

I quit running an hour ago but my back is still sweating

It’s making my body and my shirt cold. Gross.

5 miles in 55 minutes beeeeiiiaeieeiatch!  I did 5.25 until the treadmill shut itself down cos it was all, “no, no please massa no MO!” and I was like, “THAT’S WHAT YOU GET for making me manually speed up and slow down!”  Mk, see that’s one thing I like better about my work gym treadmill vs the planet ghetto fitness treadmill   –  work gym treadmill has like, 5 buttons you can push to speed up to a certain speed (3,6,7 and.. lets say 8 then 9 I don’t know I don’t use those last 2 buttons).   PGFitness does not have such a thing that I”m aware of but it’s entirely possible that the treadmill is capable of this because I haven’t really taken the time out to actually look at the display. I know you can select certain work outs, but I’m not willing to give up control.

I think my goal for next month is going to be just running for a full hour, straight. No walking.  I don’t know why I’m making this a goal, like, why the fuck is this even a goal, i have no idea. I just like running.

But my foot feels pretty much mostly fine! I only felt a very slight pain, but nothing that would make me miss my 5 mile goal. Aaaaand now my knees are giving me crap.  I KNOW, body! I KNOW i’m too fat to be doing this to you, just bear with me for another few weeks and the load should be a bit more bearable.  That’s right. Weeks.  You may not know this about me, but my body reacts insanely well to any sort of fitness. Ok, well only my lower half does. My upper half clings to it’s insulation like nobody’s business.  Working out with any mild intensity usually turns me from an hourglass shape into a straight up apple, which sucks because I’ve read several sentences that say apple shapes are generally more susceptible to all kinds of cancers, diseases, strokes, and just general ugliness and sloppiness at home I don’t remember where i read this but I read it once and that’s all that matters.  I just can’t win is my point.

I cannot promise that I will be writing this weekend. I have THINGS scheduled, and that is a total 180 difference from my usual weekend routine, and the panic has already set in.

I was going to write something nice about someone, but I just realized I need to get dinner started.



Better late than.. some time later

Today was mildly uneventful so I’ll just make this one quick and painful. I was able to run today at Work Gym but after a mile my foot started giving me lip so I jumped off and did the elliptical for a minute. After a full minute of mind numbing boredom I hopped off and decided to get back on the treadmill.  Bam.  Another mile down.  Foot pain crept up at mile 2. Did a minute of elliptical and foot felt ok.  Bam another mile thrown down.. and another and ANOTHER AND ANOTHER.  Oh wait, jk, I only did 3.05 miles total sorry I got caught up in my awesome Rocky-esque story.  Around mile two, Skinny Blonde Ponytail-Bobber girl came in; maybe it’s because she lost her pep because she has S.A.D, or maybe she read this blog somehow and found out I hate her Cheerleader gait, but she didn’t seem near as annoying today. When I asked her if it was ok to leave the TV on she responded it was fine, and I imagined us striking up a conversation, sharing injury stories, and becoming besties forever, but then my pony tail holder flew out of my hair and bounced off the treadmill belt and onto the floor and I forgot about our budding possible bffdom…   Maybe one day, blonde bobby hair girl.     But probably not.


I was here the whole time what are you talkingabout

Hieeee!  Soooo, guess who went through a littlebit of a blog depression because she couldn’t run for a whole week?  THIS psycho, that’s who!

My foot kept doing a wishywashy “I’m fine, I’m FINE, ok? i swear, leave it. NO I’M NOT FINE WHEN I SAY I’M FINE IT MEANS I’M NOT FINE DONT YOU KNOW BY NOW ohh no, it’s ok. I’m fine, really. Keep walking” bullshit.

We had our company Christmas party last weekend, and much like the vain idiot I am, I had to wear heels.  The party was great, tons of fun, but I held back from twerkin’ the dance floor out of respect for my foot.  I was trying to be responsible. But when I came home I shucked the heels off and when I stepped my left foot down on the floor a pain like a mini He-Man summoning the powers of Grayskull radiated from my foot to my face and I fell (very gracefully) to the floor while emitting a high pitched shriek.  I shakily stood up and… walked away. My foot was fine.  What?  I don’t know.  The rest of the week my arch and heel kept flaring up at random times, so I wore my house booties to work like a fucking hobo. I can’t tell you how many times I got “hey, getting comfortable at work, are we?” in the break room (ok it was only twice).

But how cool is it that I work for a company who throws legitly awesome company parties?? Right?


The shadows make me look like I’m hovering

Here’s what I wore to the party, damned heels and all.  Clearly you can see I was going for a chola flapper from the 1980’s type look. I’ll fuck you up, esssssse! I’ll choke you with a scunci while doing the Charleston.

Anyhoooo, heh. I got NEW new shoes!


Like toe shoes, but even dumber!

Look at these babies!  They look like shoes Ninja Turtles would wear if they needed shoes.  

So, after the Ryka debacle I swore to buy some really amazing shoes, no matter the price… but then I saw these Brooks on sale from $100 down to $30 and with my $10 off coupon I said “sign me the fuck up!”  That’s just how I shop. I really fucking hate shopping, so I walk in and see something that look like it’ll work, and then I mash it into the shape I want until it works, just so I don’t have to spend any more time shopping.  But turns out no mashing is needed!  I got to run for the first time today in a whole week and lemmetellyou, it was motherfucking awesome. SO far, the shoes seem like they’ll be a good fit. The toe part is probably too wide which gives my toes extra room for activities, and there are legit laces so my feet don’t slide to and fro… added bonus woo hoo.  They are light as smaug and if I knew what crack was like, I’d say that running again in these new shoes felt like doing crack, or however you phrase the utilization of crack I wouldn’t know because I don’t do drugs (anymore) mkay?

Bottom line, I got in 2.35 miles before my foot started in on it’s PMSsy bullshit of being like “no keep going, c’mon it’s fine, just focus on the other foot HOW DARE YOU NOT PAY ATTENTION TO ME YOU JUST TOSS ME AWAY ONCE I FEEL BETTER YOU BITCH I’M GOING TO MAKE YOU PA-no no, it’s ok. I’m good, really this time. I love you, shhhhh.”

So there you have it.  That’s what happened. I make no promises because I have no idea what’s going down tomorrow.  I’m fairly sure this whole foot pain things is my body’s way of telling me I’m too fat to be doing 5 miles every day…  What a conundrum! It’s just like the “you dont have enough job experience to work for our company”  yeah ok. well how the fuck am I supposed to lose weight if I cant run, hmmm foot????


5.3 miles is the loneliest number

When you forget to bring your headphones to the gym :(

I was forced to watch TWO whole episodes of HIMYM!  Why?? Because the work gym TV blows and likes to trick you when changing the channels, and you see the channel title says “Community” or “Extreme Anorexia” and you get really excited but then the screen blacks out and says SIGNAL LOST and for some reason you do not get to watch those shows but you have to wait like, 20 seconds for the signal lost to pop up so then you realize that you should just leave it on whatever “decent” show you can find so as to not waste time.

UGH that was a terrible hour. That show is not even funny! This is my impression of each of the characters:

Marshall – “oh look at me, I’m an attractive, funny actor that this show has somehow made ugly and just plain ridiculous and I’m supposed to look adorable in this relationship, but really it’s just all disgustingly sappy and dumb”
Lily – “I think I’m sassy and adorable, but really I just make Ava want to puke. I should have just capped my career off at Buffy and called my life a success”
Barney – ” WAIT FOR IT”  *canned laughter*
Ted – “meh mehhhhehhhh boo hoo hooo”
Robin – “I am the only redeeming aspect of this show.”

So yeah, I left my mp3 player at home so I didn’t even have my Static-X jams to give me that extra push during the commercials. Speaking of, lets assess this whole music deal.

I honestly don’t understand how people can NOT listen to Static-X when working out.

For instance, lets take the song Push It. The main lyrics are as such:

Yeahhh, you push it
Yeahhh, you push it
Yeahhh, you push it

I mean, how can you not be motivated by angry white men yelling at you to push it?


These guys clearly understand the pain of working out

Then there’s my favorite song, Machine.  This is the song I use to push myself to the extreme when I am insanely tired, usually at the end of the run.  Ok, see, what happens is that the song has a kind of a build up, and every time the chorus starts up I increase the speed by 2 … knots, or whatever the fuck you call treadmill speed.  And then there’s sort of a break in the song about 2/3rds of the way through but then THAT starts building up and this part is where the corners of my mouth start twitching and I get super panicky and uncontrollably excited and built up and THEN THE FINAL MINUTE IN A HALF IS JUST CRAZINESS AND I BUMP THE SPEED UP TO AS FAST AS I CAN GO AND I’M JUST FLYING LIKE SCENERY IS SPEEDING PAST ME BUT I’M STAYING IN PLACE AND IT’S THE BEST SONG IN THE WHOLE WORLD AND IT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE I COULD RUN FOREVER.   It’s a magical feeling, really.  Usually I run at about 6.2 knots and by the end of the song I’m at 7.4. To put that in perspective, 7.5 is “trip and bust your face on the dashboard” type speed for me.  It’s always crazy to me that running is way smoother and less painful at 7.4, while 6.2 I just feel like a bumbling oaf.

Then they have lots of other songs like Get to the Gone and This is Not, which make for awesome “running to the beat” songs.

I actually saw Static-X once while attending my second college.  I brought 3 of my other good Christian friends from Mary Hardin Baylor, and I’d like to think they had a good time, too. It was a great show! Maybe in like, my top 4 favorite concerts, ever.

So today I did 5.3, but it was mostly terrible. My foot felt fine after work, but after running it now hurts like a bitch again.  I ran in my old Brooks, but they did not seem to ameliorate  or exacerbate the foot situation; I should be getting new shosies tomorrow, so we’ll see how that goes.  I may take a 2 day break, but that scares me because a 2 day break always turns into 7 months.

By the way, can I just say that I’m really enjoying the whole Cardio All Day Every Day Even in My Fucking Sleep deal?  It’s really nice not having to split up my workout time between 2 sides of the gym.  I’m really enjoying just focusing on running, even if my foot is plotting against me.  You hear me, foot? You better shape up, or I’ll have you replaced FASTER THAN YOU CAN SAY “PROSTHETIC!”